


A No Straight Roads stories based on real convos

by Muted_Red



Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: Crab apples, Cussing, Discord - Freeform, No one knows what Zuke is talking about, Shirt Baskets, So many ministories now, This happened in real life with my friends, laughing, not sure how to tag this, ranting, this got a little out of hand, voice call
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26946019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muted_Red/pseuds/Muted_Red
Summary: My friends had this conversation and it reminded me of the No Straight Roads characters so I decided to make it an actual story, This was all written late at night and none of this is serious but I still hope you enjoy.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

“ His name is Baja, his species is a bajarl. I know my MR games so HA.” Eve said after having a small argument about a video game with West. 

Sayu spoke sounding happy and also not listening “ Taco Bell closes in two hours, I could so get a Baja blast.” 

Zuke, also tuning Eve out “ I could go too. We’ll go to Taco Bell and spend 3 dollars on a Baja blast” Zuke pauses for a moment “ Though I hate mountain dew”

“ We can give them to Mayday. I'm sure she’ll love them.” Sayu chimed in still happy as can be

Zuke audibly tired “She’ll use her shirt as a pocket while dump the Baja blast into her shirt so she can hold it”

Dk West audibly confused, but also tired “Why would you make her use her shirt.” 

“Well how else would she hold the Baja blast?” Zuke asked, matter of factly. 

“ With her ARMS?” West retorted, sounding slightly angry 

“If YOU had a bunch of Crab Apples would you use your arms?” Zuke countered, the sleep heavy in his voice. 

“ Yes I would, I've got giant arms.” West responded, holding up his arms even though it was just a voice call. 

“YOU WOULD CRUSH THE APPLES.” Zuke yelled “ That’s why you need to get a shirt and make a little shirt basket to hold all of the apples in.” 

Suyu can be heard laughing in the background, Yinu makes some confused remarks, Eve who has push to talk on is also laughing but no one can hear her, Neon J sighs and mutes his mic while the conversation continues. 

West responded matching Zuke's anger “ I WOULDN'T. I CAN BALANCE THEM ALL UP AND CARRY THEM THAT WAY.” 

“No you would NOT, you have shit balance and would drop them or squish them.” Zuke replied, his tone becoming quieter, most likely an effect of him being sleepy and not fully aware of what’s going on. 

“No It’s not, I can just walk with them in my arms, I don’t have shit balance” West replied matching Zuke’s tone 

“Yes it is, you need the god damn shirt basket.” Zuke said, angrilly 

Sayu wheezes in the background laughing incredibly hard at the point. 

Yinu and Neon J have started talking about something else entirely over the text chat.

Eve cannot be heard but she’s also wheezing from laughing so hard. 

West getting a little angry “I’m not going to use a perfectly good shirt to carry crab apples.” 

Zuke sighs “ Fine, back up plan” He slams his hand down on his desk “ Get a wheelbarrow” 

Eve pressed her talk button still laughing a little “ Why wasn’t that the first plan?”

“Because YOU NEED THE SHIRT” Zuke yelled into his mic “ Because you use the shirt basket to move all of the crab apples into the wheelbarrow.” 

Sayu’s laughter gets louder, as Eve tries to respond but she can’t stop laughing. Yinu and Neon J were so far off in their own conversation at this point that they didn’t register what was going on anymore. 

West sighs “ I’ll just use my GIANT ARMS TO CARRY THEM.” He motions to his arms again but still no one can see him 

“Yeah you’re too buff, YOU NEED THE SHIRT BASKET OTHERWISE YOU CRUSH THE BABIES.” Zuke yelled, not sure why he referred to the apples as babies but there was no backing down now. 

“I WOULDN’T SQUISH THEM” Dk west yelled not even commenting on the babies thing 

“Why not just put them all into the wheelbarrow at once?” Eve asked still chuckling 

“NOT THE POINT OF THIS ARGUMENT.” Zuke responded sounding a little offended that Eve would even suggest that.

“ I Will just use my arms. I'm not taking criticism on my point.” West responded

Zuke scoffs “ No you will not since you have shit balance and will squish your children” He paused for a moment “ It’s gonna be like that one movie the Goblin king is going to take your kids and marry all of them.”

Sayu wheezed again “ Where did that come from I’ve never heard of a movie like that.” 

Zuke was nodding wisely, or at least trying to since this situation made it rather impossible and also no one could see him. “ Yep Goblin King is going to marry your kids, all 46 of them.” He took another pause as even West began to laugh. “All because you didn’t tuck in your crab apple children.” 

“FORTY SIX???” Eve asked wheezing, Sayu asking the same or at least trying to in between the mermaids constant laughing fits/

“ Yeah all forty six of them. Why wouldn’t you let your kids sit in the shirt basket before you tuck them in? Do you not want the kids?” Zuke asked

West chuckled “ You know I’m too poor to have a kid let alone 46” 

Zuke sighed “ Your hopeless I'm sure Yinu shares my sentiments in this.” Zuke said looking at Yinu’s username in chat “ Yinu hear me out for a second”

Yinu came off mute with a small sigh “ Oh no” 

“ You have 46 Crab apple children, you need to carry them so the best thing to do is make a shirt basket.” Zuke commented calmy 

“What about the wheelbarrow?” Eve asked still snickering to herself 

“ Or the Goblin King?” Sayu followed up laughing 

“Aren’t they my kids?” West asked a little confused 

“Everyone shut the fuck up.” Zuke said sternly “ Now you agree right Yinu, you don’t have the giant arms of West so you can’t hold them in your arms. West still can’t hold them even with his arms because of his shit balance anyway.” 

“I DANCE I HAVE GOOD BALANCE” West retorted angrily 

“WEST SHUT UP, YOU ROLLED A 20 IN STRENGTH BUT A 3 IN DEXTERITY NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.” 

Eve, Sayu, and West wheeze as Yinu does her best no to also start laughing as well while Zuke was talking to her. 

“Now unless you have any better ideas Yinu, you must agree that the shirt basket is the best way to transport them.” 

Yinu paused for a moment chuckling “ What about a wicker basket?” 

Everyone bust out laughing as Zuke gave an angry sigh, Eve pointing out that Yinu had a point. Neon J did a key smash in chat. Tatiana joined the call not knowing what was going on. 

“NO TINY BABY WICKER BASKET IT GOING TO HOLD 46 CRAB APPLES,” Zuke yelled in response, “ YOU NEED THE GOD DAMN SHIRT BASKET” 

Tatiana left the call with a quick “ Nope” 

“Well I’m too poor for the Crab apples so what if my shirts have too many holes to be shirt baskets?” West asked in all seriousness

“If you were too poor for new shirts why the hell would you buy 46 crab apples?” Eve asked still laughing 

“YOU PICK THEM EVE. DUHHH” Zuke retorted sarcastically 

“Well anyway what if my shirt has too many holes to be a basket” West asked again 

“ CRAB APPLES ARE BIG BITCHES NO PISS BABY, SHIRT HOLES ARE GONNA LET THEM FALL THROUGH.” Zuke yelled in response “IF THEY FALL THROUGH YOU SHIRT LIKE THAT THEN THAT ISN’T A SHIRT IT’S A GODDAMN TUBE”

The group burst out laughing again, Sayu needing to go on mute with how loud she was laughing, Even Neon J had come off mute at this point, but he wasn’t able to speak with how he was laughing. 

“ Wait, Wait, Wait. What about a ball pit with the crab apples” Sayu said still laughing

“ Oh of course a ball pit of your kids” Zuke response only a little sarcastically 

“It’ll be the dash con ball pit but with Crab apple children.” Sayu said, wheezing as she said it, trying not to laugh. 

“Wait what if you put the apples Inside your shirt, like one of those pregnant belly with a ball look.” Neon J asked, his robotic voice shaking with laughter 

“ NO, No no.” Zuke said angrily “ They’re too big they’ll go to your hips and you’ll look like a fucking bell.” 

The group lost it at that point, Everyone but Zuke spent a good few minutes laughing after Zuke’s last comment. Tatiana joined again for a moment heard the way they were reacting, assumed it was still the same thing and left again sending a “ Tell me when whatever this is, is over.” 

Yinu was the first to break the silence “ Can’t I just eat the crab apples?” 

“ Yinu no, they're not good for eating, they taste horrible.” Neon J replies, “ I really wouldn’t recommend eating one” 

Yinu sighed “ Awww but I just want to Monch the crab apples.” 

“You would eat your kids? That’s nasty” Zuke commented. Causing everyone to laugh again. 

“Oh my god Zuke is the Final Pam but with Crab Apples instead of can children.” Sayu said laughing.

“ How did we even get on this topic.” Eve asked, catching her breath after laughing so hard.

“I don’t even know anymore,” West said, still chuckling a bit. “ Even if we don’t remember how we got here it was still super funny” 

Sayu started laughing again “ Zuke, why did you send Dodo a picture of a furby?” 

This started another long and funny conversation of Furbies that led to a different conversation of cartoon characters but with large arms and good balance, both good for carrying crab apples of course. Zuke eventually fell asleep on call after someone started playing a song about moth man. All things said and done, this night was certainly fun for all of them, and by the end of It Eve was convinced Zuke has something alcoholic before hand because his tired rants weren’t usually this bad.


	2. More random convos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time a few characters bounce between people in real life who said these thing, This warning is mainly for the people who said this convo because oh boy that would be weird if I didn't give them a warning

A different night on call, Dj Subatomic had gathered a few people together. Sayu, Yinu, Mother, and the green member of 1010 had all gathered in the call and were talking about random things much like last time. Mother was sleepy and had been zoning in and out every few minutes but she was still trying to be included. 

“Hey did you know if you say Eve’s name three times she’ll join Vc?” Green said jokingly, chuckling as he did.”

“I know Eve is weird, but I doubt that is true.” Dj Subatomic responded while getting himself another dodo pop from his fridge. 

“ Is she like Bloody Mary?” Sayu asked curiously. “ She comes out of a mirror, and what does she do?” 

“Knowing Eve, place a two toned post-it on the person’s head” Yinu commented in the chat. 

“You would think she'd at least bring her turtle along.” Sayu said happily. “ Her turtle is so nice.” 

“I’m gonna summon her, then we can ask her.” Green stated getting ready to say Eve’s name knowing it probably wouldn’t work. “ Eve, Eve, Eve.” 

Suddenly there was the ding of Eve joining the call causing Dj Subatomic to do a double take while everyone else had started laughing incredibly hard. Eve stayed silent in slight confusion. 

“Does she have the post-it?” Sayu asked, still laughing. Even for an Ai it was hard for her to speak with how hard she was laughing 

“Do I have a what?” Eve asked, confused but still holding a small smile. 

“A post-it, we were saying you were like bloody mary when someone says your name three times.” Green managed, having to wheeze a bit before speaking “ I said your name three times just before you got here.” 

Eve sighed “ If I would do anything, I’d hold up my turtle, she’d boop the person's face with her nose, and we would leave.” 

“Awwwww” Sayu commented, very delighted at the idea of being booped by a turtle. 

“Wait hold on I have something to say off mute.” Yinu typed in chat before unmuting. 

Everyone paused waiting for Yinu to speak, Sayu tried to say something but was very quickly hushed by Green not wanting to miss whatever Yinu was about to say. 

“Guys.” Yinu said, speaking softly everyone attentively waiting for Yine to finish the statement. “ I just lost the game” And with that the chat descended into chaos. 

“ OH COME ON YINU, I HAVEN’T LOST FOR THREE MONTHS DON’T DO THIS TO ME NOW.” Green said angrily. 

“ This is why Zuke said your crabapple kids left you.” Sayu said more calmly than Green but still slightly angrily. 

“ I thought those were West’s kids.” Yinu said while chuckling. 

“ Well they are now, they left you to go to him.” Sayu retorted in a more humorous tone this time. 

“Is this why Zuke went on a rant to me about a shirt basket?” Dj Subatomic asked still not fully caught up on the events that occurred last chapter 

Sayu chuckled “ I have no idea why he thought we couldn’t carry them, they’re so small.” 

“What do you mean they’re small, those things are pretty big.” Dj Subatomic retorted. 

“Maybe they can be different.” Sayu said, sending a picture of them into the chat. “ They look small to me though” 

Dj subatomic took one look and the image before saying “ Those aren’t crabapples, the ones Zuke showed me, and the ones near my old farm looked much different.” 

“.... No, those are crabapples.” Sayu said slightly confused “ What did the ones you saw look like?” 

“ They were green and bumpy” Dj Subatomic stated, confidently following up with “ Those are the crabapples I’ve seen.” 

Sayu paused for a moment “ Those are Osage oranges.” Sayu said, sending a picture of them into the chat “ They’re also called Hedge Apples.” 

“I’ve never heard that name in my life.” Subatomic retorted “ I’m not going to stop calling them crabapples now anyway.” 

“Wait, hold on, are you telling me that the whole convo started because Zuke and West were thinking of different types of crabapple” Eve asked laughing a little. 

“We could have saved them so much yelling if we told them.” Sayu responded, giggling as she did. 

Neon J joined the call just after that, apologizing for being late as he had messed up some coding by missing a single semicolon which ruined the whole code until he fixed it. Subatomic and him shared a short exchange agreeing with how annoying that can be when it happens. 

“I wish I was smart enough to code.” Yinu said, trying to keep the funny mood going 

“ Wait hold on Yinu, you are so smart.” Mother said, “ You are as smart as your father.” 

“I agree with your mother, you are very smart.” Eve said. 

“ Your brain is very wrinkled,” Dj Subatomic added on. 

“It’s not” Yinu retorted, determined to keep her position. 

“It is very wrinkled, just like your father’s brain.” Dj Subatomic said profoundly, also not wanting to give up his position on this either. 

“My brain is so unwrinkled it’s a marble.” Yinu said standing from her chair even though no one could see her. 

“ Yinu your brain is so fucking textured.” Dj Subatomic countered. 

“Hey no cussing around my child Dk, I mean Dj.” Mother said, sleep slightly catching up with her. 

“ Oh so I’m Dk West now am I?” Dj Subatomic responded with a slightly offended tone. 

“No sorry I got it slightly mixed up, both names start with a two letter D word.” Mother apologized trying not to laugh.

“No taking it back now, you’ve done your damage.” Dj Subatomic said, ignoring the apology. 

“ You would think she’d know the different names from all of her co-workers.” Green said, chuckling. 

“ It’s like Mamma Mia but Co-workers instead of partners” Sayu said, still holding her happy tone. 

“ Who knew Mother would be Donna if this was Mamma Mia.” Eve commented. 

“Didn’t we say Neon would be Donna?” Sayu asked. 

“ Did we?” Eve responded looking through old texts to see if this was actually true. 

“Yes we did see?” Sayu said, sending a screenshot from them jokingly saying who would be who if they were in Mamma Mia. 

“ Well it makes sense, he does have kids.” Eve said shrugging “ Plus he did end up with one of our coworkers.” 

“ That’s why we made Dj Subatomic Sam in the Au.” Sayu said happily 

“ Wait hold on, My dad is dating Dj Subatomic?” Green asked, very surprised. 

“Oh right you didn’t know.” Mother commented half falling asleep at that point.


	3. Chapter 3 this time there's a funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No friends or Nsr Characters were harmed in the making of this chapter

On call one late night, Blue 1010’s wifi was patchy and he sounded faint to everyone except Sayu, He just left the call to try and reconnect just before the events of this story begin. 

“ Oh he’s gone.” Sayu said, sounding slightly upset. 

“He’s gone, our son is gone??” Dj Subatomic said, sounding upset.

Blue rejoins the call, no one except Sayu acknowledges him. 

“Sometimes I can still hear his voice” Yellow lamented “ I miss him so   
Much.”

“ I’m right here?” Blue said half confused 

“ My son is dead” Dj Subatomic mourned doing a dramatic pose out of the call. 

“ Hell yeah I’m dead?” Blue said happily, his cheery attitude a deep contrast compared to everyone else. 

“My best bro….” Yellow whispered “ Dead…….” 

“He’s right here guys.” Sayu said, not picking up on the joke yet.   
“ We must hold a funeral for our dead not gay son.” Neon J said to Dj Subatomic causing Sayu and Blue who understood the joke to start laughing. 

“ This is his funeral and you’re joking?” Dj Subatomic retorted doing his best not to laugh as well. 

“ You laugh at his misfortune??” Yellow asked angrily “ That’s my best friend you dick.” 

“ I was simply telling the truth, not my fault Sayu started laughing” Neon J defended. 

“ Well if I’m dead I can do anything I want fuck yeah.” Blue said happily 

“ Your son is celebrating his death.” Sayu said, assuming no one else could hear Blue

“ He’s dead and you’re making fun of him?” Dj Subatomic said angrily

“Why doesn’t he just re-spawn like in video games.” Sayu asked. “ Maybe we could try necromancy, and also put a frying pan on his casket.” 

“Ha I get it cause I’m pan.” Blue chuckled 

Dj Subatomic made a fake sobbing noise “ Of course we want to keep him dry in the rain.” 

Neon J nodded “ He did always look up to Brock when he was alive.” 

“ Stop making fun of him.” Dj Subatomic defended 

“ This is the worst day of my life.” Yellow cried 

“ I’m not making fun of him.” Neon J retorted 

“ I am G R E I V I N G.” Yellow typed into chat while making fake sobbing noises. 

Sayu posted a mine craft re-spawn screen in chat “ Blue can you click this for me?” 

Blue chuckled “ I want to stay dead” 

“ Sayu please he’s dead you can’t hear him.” Dj Subatomic said angrily. 

“He is right there.” Sayu retorted. 

“ She’s gone delusional.” Neon J sighed. 

“ Sayu I’m going to have to ask you to leave Blue’s funeral.” Dj Subatomic said “ Or we’ll have to get the police involved” 

“Whoa why the police” Sayu asked 

“The police or a therapist is what Sayu needs.” Neon J said “ Or a necromancer for Blue.” 

“Sayu please leave the church.” Dj Subatomic requested 

“Wait why are we in a church? We’re all gay here.” Sayu asked. “You’d think Blue would have wanted something like a viking funeral anyway.” 

“The service is in the church SAYU!!” Dj Subatomic retorted angrily 

“ I wanted the viking funeral but Dj wouldn’t let me.” Neon J sighed 

“ We were not going to burn him J.” Dj Subatomic retorted. 

“ IT’S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED.” Neon J yelled. 

“He’s right I would have wanted a viking funeral.” Blue agreed. 

“See Blue agrees…..” Sayu said. 

“ Sayu stop, he is dead you cannot hear him.” Dj Subatomic interrupted. 

“Fuck you Sayu stop giving me hope.” Yellow lamented 

Mayday joins the call to be greeted by Sayu yelling “ MAY CAN YOU HEAR BLUE.” 

“What??” Mayday asked a little confused 

“She’s talking to me dead gay son like he’s still alive” Neon J said, sadness in his voice. 

“ Sayu he’s been dead for forty years.” Mayday stated worry in her voice. 

“What the fuck are you talking about he’s been dead for like ten minutes.” Sayu responded confused. 

“Sayu's delusional and Mayday is a time traveler, anything else you want to reveal during our son's funeral????” Neon J asked confused. 

“Honestly I’d love to time travel more.” Mayday responded. 

“ Sayu please stop acting like he’s still here, or Yellow will beat the shit out of you.” Dj Subatomic said angrily. 

“I’m smol, buff and fueled by rage.” Yellow stated 

Sayu gave a small sigh “ Fine I’ll talk to him next door.” Sayu said while leaving the call joining a different voice chat.

“Oh no I can’t be heard, I must follow her.” Blue said, leaving the call to follow Sayu. 

“Would anyone like to say some final words to our recently departed?” Neon J asked 

“One thing, I’m certain he would want me to say from beyond the grave if that’s okay.” Yellow took a deep breath and typed into chat one phrase “ Poggers. “

Everyone nodded in agreement, all typing into chat “Poggers” to say their final goodbyes. 

Blue quickly jumped back into call “ Oh fuck no, you guys do not get to say Poggers at my funeral without me.” 

“ Pog in peace my dear son.” Neon J said, out loud instead of typing poggers into chat. 

“ I lost the game Blue,,, if you can hear me,, and if you can,,,, you’ve lost too” Yellow said 

Sayu rejoined the call, posting a picture of a rainbow covered ouija board into chat. “ I have my Ouija board, now we can let him talk.” 

“That’s so gay, he would have loved it despite being our dead not gay son.” Neon J muttered. 

“It’s what he would have wanted” Yellow agreed. 

“ Sayu, please let him rest in peace.” Dj Subatomic asked, 

Blue posted a gif in chat of a Ouija board saying “ Bye Felicia” 

“Excuse me who the fuck is Felicia? Did I get replaced?” Yellow asked angrily. 

“Fuck didn’t know it was a meme.” Blue said looking down at the gif” 

“ I hope he and that-one-guy-Tatiana-has-on-her-murals-that-no-one-knows are having fun in the after life since he’s probably half ghost or something.” Neon J said

“Oh right he’s some kind of cryptid right?” Dj Subatomic asked, genuinely curious. 

Sayu began laughing, Neon J shot down her laughter with an angered tone right away. 

“I can’t believe I’ve been replaced with this Felecia bitch.” Yellow said, still fake sobbing over that. Blue posted letter by letter in chat that Feleica wasn’t real “ Oh thank god couldn't be replaced and lose my best bro on the same day” Yellow’s worried tone went right away. 

“ I need a moment.” Neon J said leaving the call so he could get actual laughing in. 

“I must also take a moment.” Dj Subatomic said leaving the call for a moment as well. 

The chat was silent for a bit, no one really speaking until Sayu finally had an idea. 

“I’m gonna Wikihow and see how I can do necromancy.” Sayu said, opening a new tab on her laptop to find out if this wikihow actually existed. 

“Hold on is that actually a thing?” Mayday asked opening a new tab to check as well. 

Neon J returned just in time to hear Sayu say “ Okay so Wiki how didn’t have anything.” 

“I leave to come back to necromancy?” Neon J asked, slightly confused. 

“Yellow you use electricity, those doctor zappy heart starter things are technically necromancy right?” Sayu asked.

“Oh right, i can do necromancy, on it” Yellow said confidence in his voice

“ You know necromancy?” Neon J asked, very confused, “ I thought you would learn illusion magic like me.” 

“Well you learn Latin and Blood magic is basically the next step.” Yellow response “Et vivit. Okay that should have worked.” 

“Hold on, I can help too,” Sayu said, posting a clip from a K-pop video in chat as Dj Subatomic rejoined the call

“Yellow learned necromancy and Sayu’s posting K-pop in chat, you would think this would summon White and not revive Blue but who knows.” Neon J commented chuckling a small bit. 

“I can’t tell if you mean the necromancy or the gif will summon White, and I don’t want that to change.” Dj Subatomic said also chuckling, 

“I like being dead, don't ruin this for me.” Blue stated, he was mostly ignored 

“White likes K-pop, he must be an expert in Necromancy judging by Neon J’s comment.” Sayu said, “ I’ll dm him and ask Necromancy techniques.”   
“Tell us what he says” Mayday said still looking through websites trying to find something “ All I’m getting here is real medical stuff” 

“ Can I please just have my viking funeral?” Blue asked. 

“Fine you can have the viking funeral.” Dj Subatomic responded. 

“WAIT HOLD ON YOU CAN HEAR ME???” Blue asked, confused. 

“Is the joke still going?” Dj Subatomic asked.

“Honestly I’m not sure.” Neon J responded. 

“I haven’t been paying attention, I’ve been researching necromancy.” Mayday said, clicking through the websites “ Oh hey I found Eve’s experimental art page.” 

“I just kept it going for the jokes.” Sayu said chuckling. 

“ Wait Hun, WE CAN GIVE BLUE THE VIKING FUNERAL??” Neon J asked excitedly.

“Of course I would never deprive him of that.” Dj Subatomic responded. 

Blue and Neon J excitedly cheered, the group went on to talk about more random things like usual, but that’s for another time and another fic because I’m certain my friends will give me more content to write into this story soon enough.


	4. Heart to Heart with Harley

Lights up in a studio, Dj SS and Yellow are on the stage with Eve while Sayu and Blue are in the audience. No one’s sure where they are except for Eve who was wearing a large sun hat. 

“Welcome to heart to heart with Harley. Today we’re talking about the troubles of a dead husband.” Eve said, her voice in an unnaturally peppy tone. 

“What’s going on? Weren’t we just on a call?” Yellow asked, very confused. 

“ And J isn’t dead, he's just on mute.” Dj SS commented “ Also who the fuck is Harley? “ 

“ Yellow, tell me what’s it like without a dad?” Harley(?) asked, pointing a pen towards Yellow. 

Yellow paused for a moment, thinking about what it would be like without Neon J, his eyes watered up somehow as he began to cry, “ Well I guess I would miss him so much.” Yellow slightly sobbed 

Harley pressed a button as an ‘Aww’ sound effect played. “ Well what about you huh Dj Subatomic? What's it like without a Husband?” Harley pointed her pen towards Dj Subatomic. 

“ Well I guess I would also miss him if he were dead.” Dj SS muttered, still not sure what the hell was going on. 

Harley nodded, slowly. “ Well I can imagine it must be hard, all of your now adoptive sons must be so distraught.” 

“HE MISSED MY GRADUATION” Blue yelled from the audience. 

Harley nodded sympathetically as Sayu pressed a hand to Blue’s back, “It’ll be okay Blue.” Sayu mumbled, just going along with whatever the rest of the group was talking about 

Harley clicked her tongue looking back at the others on stage “ Well that’s why we’re here. To talk about our feelings in my therapy session.” 

Dj SS chuckled “ This isn’t exactly private therapy now is it?” 

Harley pressed a button, a fake laughing sound effect sounded, “ Well, that’s not the point. Making this televised rakes in those ratings.” 

Yellow looked up, tears(?) still on his face “ Wait is this all about ratings? Are you not here to help us.” 

Harley chuckled as she stood up. “ Well you see the thing is.” 

Blue yelled from the audience “ Can you help me too Harley?” 

Harley sat on a motorcycle that rose up from the ground, the wall to the back of the studio rose up as she revved the bike's engine. “All of these are great questions, and they’ll be answered.” She paused putting on two toned sunglasses. “ After the break.” 

Music from an old tv show played as Harley peeled out of the studio, everyone else looking very confused.


	5. Heart to Heart with Harley again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events this chapter did happen, but for the sake of dramatics I made changes to make it even more chaotic then the situation actually was. Though it's up to the readers to figure out which parts I changed and which I didn't

Harley rolls back into the studio a cup of tea in her hand as she does so, everyone looks at her with the same amount of confusion they had before she left the studio. 

“Where the hell were you it’s been 45 minutes.” Dj SS questioned angrily as Harley tossed her cup into a trashcan next to her desk.

“ I was just on break hun, but now I’m back and we can continue our heart to heart with Harley.” Harley said sitting down at her desk looking at Green and Dj SS who still weren’t sure what was going on. “ So tell me how long has he been gone?” 

“How long has J been gone?” Dj SS asked, as he sat back down. “ I don’t know like four-” He was cut off by Harley before he could finish speaking. 

“ Oh my four years, that’s a long time to raise all these children alone isn’t it?” Harley pressed a button which made an audience agreeing sound effect play. “ So tell me how has this affected your family?” 

“ I MISS HIM SO MUCH” Yellow yelled, forgetting that Neon J wasn’t actually dead. 

“ I can imagine, losing someone is never easy.” Harley hummed looking down as a notebook on her desk, “ What about you Dj? How has the loss of your husband hurt you?” 

“I miss him too but like I’ve been trying to say-” He was cut off again, this time by Blue in the audience. 

“ HE MISSED MY GRADUATION.” Blue yelled standing up from his seat, forgetting that he never went to school in the first place. He died just before my graduation ceremony four years ago.” 

Harley nodded as she wrote in her notebook again. “ Well I can imagine how that must hurt.” She smiled as she stood from her desk. “ Well I have a special guest to announce.” 

“HI” Neon J said peeking around the corner.

“ Please welcome the deceased father brought back to life, Neon J.” Harley announced while playing an astonished sound effect which was accompanied by Sayu making a similar noise in the audience. 

“Sorry I went ahead of my cue didn’t I?” Neon J asked walking onto the stage. 

“DAD.” Blue and Yellow yelled, running at Neon J and hugging him. 

“ Wait hold on, was this whole thing just a way for you to make a dramatic re-entrance” Dj SS asked standing up and turning to face Neon J. 

“Well no. I did have to go on mute so I’m not sure why Eve, or Harley staged this.” Neon J chuckled “ But I did plan my re-entrance when the break happened.” 

“ So Neon J, please tell us. What was it like being dead?” Harley asked still holding the character as Harley. 

“ Um. Well I guess not good?” Neon J responded, not sure why Eve was still going with the Harley joke. 

“I see, I see.” Harley wrote something in her notebook. 

“ Wait does this mean Harley knows necromancy and brought Neon J back to life.” Sayu asked curiously from the audience. 

“Well that would explain why I’m missing an arm.” Neon J said motioning to his left arm which was completely gone. 

“ Well Necromancy isn’t always so easy with parts of the body corroding and what not.” Harley mumbled still writing in her note book. 

“Wait hold on, she took your arm?” Dj SS asked, very confused as to why Neon J just left Eve steal his arm for a joke. 

“Honestly I’m not even sure when she did it.” Neon J said shrugging. 

“ Before we end our show, is there anything the two children of the guest would like to say?” Harley asked, pointing her pen at Blue and Yellow who were both crying(?) at least everyone assumed they were crying and they hadn’t just sprung a leak from their eyes. 

“ I missed you so much dad.” Yellow sobbed. 

“You missed my graduation 4 years ago dad.” Blue stated, doing his best to be heard over Yellow’s sobbs. 

“ I’m sorry?? You two know I was only gone for a few minutes.” Neon J said looking over at the two, 

Before the two could respond Harley stood up and pressed an audience applauding button as she turned to Sayu who was the only actual member in the audience. 

“I hope you all have a good night, but before we go check under your seats. We’ve got special gifts for everyone.” Harley called motioning to Sayu who was now digging under her seat for the gift. 

“ OH WOW A ROBOT ARM.” Sayu yelled, holding up Neon J’s lost arm. 

And with that, Harley pressed a button and the lights in the studio dimmed until it was pitch black. When everyone could see again they were all back at home on their discord call like they had been before the Harley thing happened. 

“ What the hell just happened?” Dj SS asked, very confused 

Eve chuckled “I’m not sure you all just zoned out for a while there.” 

“Fever dream.” Neon J said “ It was probably a fever dream.” 

“Wait, two of us are robots, Sayu is Sayu,You're a cyborg, and we’re not sure what DJ Subatomic is . Can we even have fever dreams?” Blue asked, just as confused as Djss was moments ago.

“ It’s either a fever dream or Eve has some split personality with reality warping powers that we didn’t know about.” Neon J responded looking a room over at Blue, “ We’re calling it a fever dream.” 

Everyone agreed to just call it a fever dream and leave it at that until Sayu mentioned “ Wait how come I still have Neon J’s arm?”


End file.
